When I was a kid I was obsessed with the idea of becoming a Jedi.
I loved star wars. And was enamoured by the Jedi and the Jedi Order.
Going around wielding a Lightsaber against foes, using the force to move objects and just generally being so bloody cool looking.
I think though it spoke to something deeper in me. There’s a line that Yoda says to Luke in Empire Strikes Back, when they are training; a Jedi uses the Force for knowledge and defence, never attack.
I never really thought about it too much as a kid. I was too busy pretending to be a cool Jedi going around saving people and fighting off droids.
But the Jedi spoke to something deeper in me that I am only just realising.
I craved excitement and adventure as a kid but there was also something more. I wan’t the power and the ability and confidence to save people. To use the Force to help others and protect them against the “bad guys”.
And that desire ultimately came from the fact I was powerless myself. I had an abusive dad who I could not protect myself against. And I couldn’t protect my Mum or my brother and sister either.
But if I was a Jedi then I could do anything. I could stop that fist from hitting me or force a peace when there was shouting.
Being a Jedi I would be able to protect myself and those closest to me.
That ideal of a Jedi hasn’t really ever gone away. I still love Star Wars and I still think It’d be awesome to be a Jedi.
I still believe in the ideal, of wanting to help others in whatever little way I can. I don’t need the Force or a Lightsaber to comfort someone or to be a shoulder to cry on. It would be cool if I did though.
There’s something deeper at play in me, in my soul that speaks to that Jedi ideal even now.
There’s a desire to help people somehow.
